J Report Preview

Yeah, I decided to write up something for fun. So here's a preview, I'll be posting the full thing in January or something.

(Excerpt from Chapter 1: Introductions)

Cross Dem Fingers

"Back in the day me and Al decided that, just for fun, we’d jump on the back of his llama, Mildred. It was a fat llama, akin to a Volkswagen Beetle without the wheels or the cheesy guy with a German accent going,”Yo, VW represent!” It was like the very bowels of the earth opened when that llama decided to speak about astrophysics. In fact, it did. The llama and Al were lost to the tumultuous reign of the sea people under the crust, but it didn’t matter because that never happened.

"What did happen was that for every single time I got fragged in Halo, I’d jump up and yell quietly about society and the issues it spewed forth like lightning bolts out of that robot from that show with the dude from Freakazoid. Man, Freakazoid was a great show. It had only two seasons with two butlers and that finale with Norm Abram making that doom ray out of wood. The Lobe wasn’t that funny. I like that cave guy though – he read the New Yorker like a cool person. Are you a cool person? Read the New Yorker.

"I kinda find the New Yorker boring though. For every page I turn, there’s text. I don’t want to see text; I get enough of that from education. I want to see a brightly colored picture of an insanely cute Hello Kitty getting her head severed off with a katana by that guy from Ninja Gaiden. Oh the stories that ninja could tell.

"Like that time I tried to be a ninja. I was super fast, and super silent. Nobody could see me because I was wearing neon green so bright I blinded everyone with my poor fashion sense. I could jump from house to house with a rose in my mouth making people feel less lonely or more dead – whichever came first, really. Too bad I got tired and went back inside to drink some Tang, because I lost the ninja powers.

"Tang defeats ninjas. I don’t know why. It must have too much vitamin C for even ninjas to handle. Before that drink, I thought that was impossible. But ninjas have their limits. Like that they can’t reproduce because that would break ninja code. But ninjas will always be defeated by pirates.

"Pirates are cool. They really are, they’re like robbers of the sea."

High as a Kite...

Aw yeah, I finally decided to update.

Well, to start things off, I started a group wiki for my friends over at PBWiki.  By the way, it works as advertised: I really didn't hit a snag until i had to fandangle with their services which were still in beta (which is okay, since it's - durr- beta).  Seriously, the guys over at PBWiki are awesome.  Their explanations and FAQs and just about everything, even the CSS architecture has been put into language even the least 1337 can understand, so kudos.  They also actually read the email people send them, which rocks hard for an admin.  Anyways, the wiki is at http://lcwiki.pbwiki.com.  Lovely piece of work, if I say so myself.

Schools.

Today, I'm going to be utterly serious.

I think that the entirety of the American public school system, while noble in its attempts at creating a system whereby everyone is guaranteed an education, has fallen short of being a school system.

Yes, I honestly do believe in such a statement. It is saddening when most of the student body just really doesn't give a damn about life. Seriously, think about it. As many students can attest, the system is often poorly managed, and is quite frankly, is largely mismanaged. It barely has any redeeming value.

Firstly, the public school system is a paradox in and of itself, in that while embracing diversity, it demands bland conformity. While many would deny this, let's examine some facts. The average high school essay is a delineated mess that is nothing more than a set of sterilized restrictions on creativity. No wonder nobody likes to write the things: they are by design a way of forced data regurgitation. There's no real thought to it; just filling out a quota of words and sentences, sterilized grammar and spelling, nothing worth reading but to assess whether you have the memory of a robot. Also, there's nothing more unpleasant than noting that those hours of work which you spent studying and practicing are reduced to one minute's worth of actual reading, supplemented by a decision on an arbitrary 1 through 6 scale.

That's not to say that schools in America today happen to be totally useless; on the contrary, they still provide an adequate education. What I'm arguing is the idea that while a satisfactory high school education with a nice little deploma is amazing, if there is no social and moral development, it's worth jack.

End transmission.

mnARGH!!!!!

Okay, let's settle the issue at hand.

I hate it when I have nothing to inpspire me. Nada. It's like I have nothing to say or do or make. It's that kind of thing that drives me nuts. Nuts as a Vulcan during por farr.

Yes, that was a Star Trek Original Series reference, shut up.

So anyways, I'm just gonna have to brainstorm stuff up. Man this is gonna be a pain in the ass.

Oh, right, before I go and do that project...

I highly recommend using Flash 8 by Macromedia to ink art. The reason is simple: Flash has a tablet sensitivity function which in addition is great since once you start laying out the "ink" Flash will automatically try to smooth out the lines so it doesn't look choppy. If that isn't convenient, what is?

Ph33r t3h Ph47!

More Paint Practice by ~DarkenedSkyeEX on deviantART

Egg in grass by ~DarkenedSkyeEX on deviantART

I am awesome.

Ow, ow, ow....

This applies to both sexes:

Do NOT shave under ANY circumstances while SNEEZING.

I counted at least ten lacerations before using tissues to stop the bleeding.

Wait, last thing to add...

SmarterChild is stupid.

Lemme think this through...

I would like to say that I have now listened to three different covers of the song "Fly Me to The Moon". If you do not know that song, you are hereby now ejected from whatever hierarchy of knowledge you are in and immediately relegated to the level of utterly mentally impaired.

Anyway, I'm gonna draw a comparison. Watch.





That was Frank Sinatra, circa 1965.

Now for Utada Hikaru.





Impressive, but we must move on.

Let's see the version from Evangelion. You know, that weird Freudian anime that to this day, still confuses me. I know what they're talking about, but it doesn't make sense. Anyway...





What does the ocean have to do with this? Or a spinning adolescent girl? And why does "l" sound like "r" and vice versa? And what is with the voices?

Anyways, lemme see. Sinatra's advantages:

• He's Frank Sinatra.
• He actually studied singing.
• He is considered an American classic.
• He allegedly had ties to the Mob.

Utada Hikaru:

• Has good symphonics and tone.
• Is a girl.
• She has a good grasp on the English language. I'm not trying to be racist, it's true. She can speak English very well, as well as sing.
• Is a girl. Which means boobs.

Evangelion's voice actresses:

• They're...cute...in a very eerie way.
• Seriously, they creep me out.
• Very good harmony, they work well together.
• Poor pronunciation.

Judging from the previous, the winner must be...

FRANK SINATRA.

Don't even question his dominance. It's not up for debate in any way or form. There. Because the Mob will come for me. The walls, they have eyes.

Things I detest, and things I like.

And thus, a list of things I hate/vehemently dislike:

1. Emo chicks. Because nobody cares. Look, it's not like I'm trying to be insensitive, but COME ON. If you have issues, see a psychiatrist or a priest or something. Seriously, it's like you ladies don't shut up about anything without whining about it or how much your life sucks. I am, of course, only referring to the posers. The real emos are safe from my wrath.
2. Posers in general.
3. The habit of some people to take shortcuts in typing. Look man, I'll say it once, LEARN TO TYPE. Seriously, is it that hard to learn? The only acceptable acronyms are LOL, AFK, and BRB. That will be all.

Things I like:

1. Naruto. Not that much.
2. The Wii. Nintendo is WORTH IT MAN.
3. Carlos Mencia, who is not ashamed to make fun of himself, every single race, and somehow be right. Filippinos ARE Asian beaners. HOLY CRAP. LOL.

There'll be more eventually.

Parting gift:

Blogger beta! Woot!

Yep.

Well, yeah...

Okay, i will admit my folly:

I have a MySpace.  A very boring MySpace, but I am the (ashamed) owner and creator of one.

I will now commit digital seppuku. I will need a sword made of floppy disks of variant sizes, which would conglomerate into a massive sawblade with which to impale myself.

Don't worry, I'm being metaphorical. I have no intention of spilling my own blood, much less any other bodily fluid.

In any case, here is the link which will lead to the evidence of much imbibing of chemicals whilst cleaning my home.

No, I am fully aware nobody knows who I am. Which is good.

Oh dear GOD....

You know what? I hate it when you go to fix something, and it friggin' won't comply. Like networking gear, for example. I think I've had it with the bull that routers will constantly feed me. Here is a transcript:

-"Cable disconnected."

No it isn't. Stop lying to me, asshat firmware. It's in the damnable port. Reconnect.

-"Cable disconnected."

...

-"Could not connect properly. Network did not assign a network address to this computer."

But, I am your master! Kneel before me, blasted machinery!

-"Command not recognized."

I'm not even in a command prompt, dumbass plastic piece of ****.

-"Command not recognized."

See? You can't even respond to effin' humor. You are worse than that SmarterChild. Worse, because he at least is not in league with terrorists. Are YOU a terrorist, Mr. Router? Did D-Link create you for the purpose of confounding U.S. troops with your bull, so that Osama bin Laden will win? Huh?

-"Command not recognized."

Screw this. Where's that shotgun?

Back from the land of the dead....

Okay, I'm back.

I think.

Nothing to write about, such a drag. Ah well.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

...Please assume the fetal position. The end of our world as we know it has begun.

There are multiple signs pointing to the apocalypse. I think it wise to list them, in descending order of least to greatest importance.

Are you ready?

SHOCKING FACT #3: TOMB RAIDER LEGEND IS ACTUALLY GOOD

Let's mull on that. The last time I checked, anytime anybody mentioned Lara Croft or Tomb Raider in a crowd of (stereotypical) gamers, the response elicited would be either horrendous laughter, not unlike the kind used for embarrassing others to shame, or a loud remark of lewd connotations.

In utter seriousness, though, Lara Croft has been getting the short end of the stick when it comes to gaming. The original developers for Tomb Raider obviously went brain dead long ago, not to mention BOTH movies were total trash. Angelina Jolie? Nope. Not even her alluring presence would save such a bombshell.

And yet someone has resurrected the game. And made it COOL. That must be a sign!

AMAZING FACT #2: TWILIGHT PRINCESS WILL ACTUALLY HAVE FUNTIONALITY ON NINTENDO REVOLUTION

I can't say much more, since there is little more to say.

Finally...

AMAZING FACT #1: THERE IS, IN FACT, AN ACTUAL PODCAST CALLED ASK A NINJA

Whoa. I thought i would never see the day. Go Google it, I don't have the time to make a link. I need to get on America's Army.

ELDRIN OUT.

CARROT.

Newses

Okay, it’s about Thursday, and I’m here at school on lappy typing this thing out while both my little brothers work on setting up their projects.

Since I have nothing better to do, as well as the fact that I need to recount the last couple of weeks in my life on this blog anyways, I think I should get started before anybody decides to wreak havoc next to me. Yep, the little guys made an “earthquake simulator.”

Which essentially would be made of PVC piping, a set of dowels, and a squareish piece of plywood, some nuts and bolts, and the crowning glory: type 16 (or 24, I have no idea which)…rubberbands.

If it weren’t for the fact that the whole intent of the design was to appeal to smaller children, and that it (gasp) works extremely well for a thing created on a budget of around $75 American, I would have since written it off.

I hate science fairs.

Anyway, to go back a couple of weeks, we (I mean the Woodlands Jazz Band) went off and did stuff. Which is to say, we won second place at the third Sleepy Hollow Jazz Festival, and (surprisingly) Best Trumpet Section.

BEST TRUMPET SECTION.

Somehow, they pulled a massive miracle of sorts, and one of which we will never be able to explain.

My mind is still blown.

Beyond Office 2003

Note: This post is over a year or two old; disregard the dated opinion and just read it, I'll add an opinion on Office 2007 later.

I have finally found a way to say it.

Microsoft has no idea what product evolution is as a whole.

Let me explain.

First off, Office 2003 is a rather useful thing. One major setback, though, is that its theme adapts to that of your current desktop’s setting. In other words, Office attempts to recolor itself according to your taskbar’s current theme. This would not have been so bad of an idea, until one realizes that said recolorization is inherently reeking of one blaring quality: utter tackiness. The color schema, while nice, is probably jarring for those of us not used to seeing it. As a result, it just looks really out of place. Why couldn’t we just have the option of turning it off? Because apparently, to disable it would require you to change your whole desktop theme and everything, and unless I’m mistaken, that kills the point of releasing incremental updates.

Which brings me to my next point: every single time Microsoft re-releases a product, all they do is add a new coat of paint to make office users who want to feel powerful do just that, plus adding a bunch of imbecilic additions. There are some good ones, but sadly, there is too much useless clutter of the menu bar. I mean, come on, they could have come up with a modular menu system just like how Apple incorporated one into Mac OS X Tiger (the widget bar). Instead, the consumer is forced to needlessly navigate too many menu extensions to get to where I need to go. A welcome appreciation, ceded in Microsoft’s favor, is that they have at least managed to hold on to the recently used portion of the drop down menu, which saves some time for me.

Finally, there are alternatives (gasp!) to Office 2003. OpenOffice.org is a great example of this: you get everything from Office 2003, for free. Everything that you need to do your work in the office utterly free for use. For the rest of your life. FREE. This is what we like to call, for you new people, an open source program. The whole premise is that anyone can modify it for their pleasure, as long as they (the modifications) are FREE. Another advantage to those who use such programs is that open source programs are also generally extremely modular, allowing for the installation of the plug-ins you actually need. This in turn should save a rather large amount of space on your hard drive. Let’s see – 500 MB versus 1.6 GB (of which is extra stuff I never will use, at all).

I see a very ideal picture here.

Burning Sensations

No, not those.

Don't even joke about that.

Anyway, moving on, I would like to say that overall, my day wasn't bad.

Even though I think I embarassed myself on camera more than fifteen times on Friday during a certain band rehearsal, and that somehow, Gil and Barron will spread the joy of my inane dancing skills.

Of which I have none. Nada. Zip.

I can't even do DDR properly, which is a testament to my feet-to-eye coordination. A failure of any level of nueron to neuron interaction, to be more precise. It's almost like dancing is elusive to me.

Then again, I really hate playing DDR. The only DDR-like game I ever liked was Guitar Hero, which is truly the only way to master air guitar without looking stupid in public. What with your flailing hands and such, attempting to strum notes from a guitar you know all too well doesn't even exist. Even so, belting tunes in my head without the aid of the now eponymous iPod isn't so bad; I think I listened to Rocket Man twice during that writing seminar today.

Rocket Man.

ROCKET MAN.

...

I believe you see the point.

Today is funny...

Today is full of funny.

NOT.

You obviously have never met me before, at all, and therefore are excused in your ignorance of mine inner workings.

On the other hand, well...

Let's just say that I don't feel like telling stories right now.