Oh dear GOD....

You know what? I hate it when you go to fix something, and it friggin' won't comply. Like networking gear, for example. I think I've had it with the bull that routers will constantly feed me. Here is a transcript:

-"Cable disconnected."

No it isn't. Stop lying to me, asshat firmware. It's in the damnable port. Reconnect.

-"Cable disconnected."

...

-"Could not connect properly. Network did not assign a network address to this computer."

But, I am your master! Kneel before me, blasted machinery!

-"Command not recognized."

I'm not even in a command prompt, dumbass plastic piece of ****.

-"Command not recognized."

See? You can't even respond to effin' humor. You are worse than that SmarterChild. Worse, because he at least is not in league with terrorists. Are YOU a terrorist, Mr. Router? Did D-Link create you for the purpose of confounding U.S. troops with your bull, so that Osama bin Laden will win? Huh?

-"Command not recognized."

Screw this. Where's that shotgun?

Back from the land of the dead....

Okay, I'm back.

I think.

Nothing to write about, such a drag. Ah well.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

...Please assume the fetal position. The end of our world as we know it has begun.

There are multiple signs pointing to the apocalypse. I think it wise to list them, in descending order of least to greatest importance.

Are you ready?

SHOCKING FACT #3: TOMB RAIDER LEGEND IS ACTUALLY GOOD

Let's mull on that. The last time I checked, anytime anybody mentioned Lara Croft or Tomb Raider in a crowd of (stereotypical) gamers, the response elicited would be either horrendous laughter, not unlike the kind used for embarrassing others to shame, or a loud remark of lewd connotations.

In utter seriousness, though, Lara Croft has been getting the short end of the stick when it comes to gaming. The original developers for Tomb Raider obviously went brain dead long ago, not to mention BOTH movies were total trash. Angelina Jolie? Nope. Not even her alluring presence would save such a bombshell.

And yet someone has resurrected the game. And made it COOL. That must be a sign!

AMAZING FACT #2: TWILIGHT PRINCESS WILL ACTUALLY HAVE FUNTIONALITY ON NINTENDO REVOLUTION

I can't say much more, since there is little more to say.

Finally...

AMAZING FACT #1: THERE IS, IN FACT, AN ACTUAL PODCAST CALLED ASK A NINJA

Whoa. I thought i would never see the day. Go Google it, I don't have the time to make a link. I need to get on America's Army.

ELDRIN OUT.

CARROT.